Limerence is basically when you’re head over heels in love with someone. You can’t stop thinking about them, you daydream about being with them all the time, and you really, really want them to feel the same way about you. When you’re in this state, your emotions can swing from super happy when you’re near them to totally bummed out when you’re apart. You’re totally fixated on them, and you can’t help it—it’s like your brain is on autopilot, and you can’t turn off those thoughts and feelings, even if you try.

It’s not all rainbows and butterflies, though. Being in limerence can be overwhelming and distracting. You might find yourself neglecting other stuff in your life, like work or hanging out with friends, because you’re so focused on this one person. And sometimes, limerence doesn’t last forever—it can fade away over time, or it can turn into something more intense, even to the point of obsession.

Understanding limerence can help you make sense of those crazy feelings you might have when you’re crushing hard on someone. It can also remind you to keep things in perspective and not let those feelings completely take over your life.

Discovering the term “limerence” was like finding a missing puzzle piece in my emotional landscape. My therapist introduced me to it recently while I was venting about this guy who seems to have taken permanent residence in my thoughts, despite our paths diverging years ago and never having had a serious relationship with him.

As I poured out my feelings to her, recounting how I often found myself lost in fantasies, even during my previous relationship, and how this person seemed to occupy my mind incessantly, I couldn’t help but wonder why. Who was he to have such a hold on me after all this time? I didn’t even know him anymore. It felt illogical, nonsensical.

But as I detailed the history of my encounters with this individual, my therapist offered a revelation: perhaps he was just another manifestation of a familiar pattern in my life. A pattern where I sought validation and love in all the wrong places, mirroring the confusing dynamics I had with my father.

It was a striking realization. This person, with whom I shared only fleeting moments, had somehow become a vessel for my unresolved emotional baggage. His presence in my thoughts wasn’t about him, but about what he represented—a reflection of my own unmet needs and past experiences.

Understanding limerence in this context opened a door to deeper self-awareness.

It wasn’t just about this guy; it was about unraveling the tangled threads of my own psyche and confronting the patterns that had been shaping my relationships for so long. And with this newfound understanding, I embarked on a journey of healing and self-discovery, determined to break free from the grip of limerence and forge healthier connections in the future.

Also, I’ve decided with this new realization in mind, that I’ll just be having fun for the time being until I’ve conquered this limerence dilemma.